I will praise you in the storm

Over the past couple of days I have tried to process what has happened in My city. In fact I have been trying to process the destruction that my city has faced over the past couple Months. 

It's really hard to put into words what I am feeling. I am not one for emotions, but the events that have taken place in the City of Dayton demands an emotional response. 

As a believer in Christ, I understand that what took place, is plain and simple, EVIL. No other terms can explain what happen. So this is where the emotional side of me kicks in. The emotion I feel is anger. Sure, I am angry at the coward that shoot up the Organ district, sure I am angry that 9 people died for no reason. But the anger that I feel goes above and beyond that. The anger I feel is towards the “politicians” that were in Dayton this week. Let me explain.

Less than 8 hrs after the worst event in the history of our city, there were naturally press conference. (I am ok with that) And at these press conferences our “Politicians” decided it would be a good time to further their personal political agendas. At first, I was surprised, but then I slowly became annoyed and then it turned into anger. How dare they use the death of 9 people to further their career. They were elected by US to serve US, and not to use US for their personal gains.  We are talking about less than 8 hours after a mass shooting. Are they insane? They were pushing some BS agenda of Mental Health Issues, and more Gun Control. Again I tell you less than 8 hrs from the most significant tragedy in the City's history. This was both Democrats and Republicans, I am talking about.

The point that I am making is, there are the 5 stages of grief and for a lot of people denial is the first stage. So these “politicians” are talking about how to fix this problem that is so common in our Country, and we have people that are in denial that their loved ones were murdered on the streets of Dayton, and are denying that the event even happened. Again I ask, Are they insane?

Then to top it all off, our City had a Candle light vigilant at 8pm. (Less than 24 hours after the shooting). This vigilant was held in the very place that 9 people were killed. The fire department was even called in to clean the blood off the streets for this event. That's how close this event was to the incident. Now, I have no problem having the vigilant at this site, but the problem that I have is when these “Politicians” literally use the stage that they were on to promote their agendas. They were using the stage that was a few feet away from where bodies laid less than 20 hrs prior.  They each had the balls to come on stage in front of thousands and talk about how to keep this from happening again. So by this point I was fuming. I could not take it anymore. What were they thinking? What would give them the idea that they would be well received by the people of Dayton, cause let me tell you, some of them were not.

The question that I want to ask is this.  Why can’t each of those “politicians” take off their “political caps” and become grieving member of our city. Stand behind Dayton and show your support in a silent way. Let your actions speak louder than your words. 

I understand that these conversations are going to happen. Yes, the republicans say its a Mental Health Issues, and the Democrats say its a Gun control issue. I get it. But let’s not forget that 9 PEOPLE ARE DEAD. Let’s not forget that the people of Dayton are hurting. That sometimes it's okay to not have all the answers. That now more than ever our Homes, Our communities, our City’s, our states, and our country, they all need JESUS!!!!!  That is the message that should have been given to the people of Dayton. That we should come together as a broken, hurting community and remember, and find hope in the only thing that gives true, real hope. 

So like the title of this letter, “I will praise you in the storm”.  It's a great song that is sung by Casting Crowns. My favorite part of the song says this, 

And I'll praise you in this storm

And I will lift my hands

That you are who you are

No matter where I am

And every tear I've cried

You hold in your hand

You never left my side

And though my heart is torn

I will praise you in this storm

I lift my eyes unto the hills

Where does my help come from?

My help comes from the Lord

The maker of heaven and earth

That's the message that I want the people of Dayton to hear. There are going to be storms in your life, some, maybe not as big a mass shooting, but you will for sure have some storms. So I would ask you, who will you look to for answers? I can tell you that our “politicians” aren't the people that your help comes from. Yours and my help comes from the Lord, the maker of the Heavens and the earth.

This life sucks at times, It hard, I get it, I would just encourage you to look beyond this world for hope. There is nothing on this earth that can give you everlasting hope, everlasting joy, and everlasting Love. So if you are hurting from a storm in your life, its OK! Jesus is with you, even if no one else is. He will never leave you, nor forsake you. The God of the universe is the Father to the Fatherless, and the only thing that can fix our homes and our country. Hold onto the rock that is Jesus Christ, cause I promise you this, if you call on him, He will answer.

Grateful heart

So on Feb. 7th my little brother and his wife had their first kid.  It has been really fun to watch him be a dad and love on Claire. It's fun to watch him and Sarah figure everything out and learn how to be parents. I started to look back at how jenny and I figured everything out and learned how to do the whole parenting thing. I started to remember how amazing Jenny was thru the whole "baby faze". I truly can not remember what it was like to wake up in the middle of the night and feed our 2 girls, cause Jenny did that. 

I guess after time u start to forget what u have. I am truly blessed to have a wife that prioritizes our girls and me. Jenny was and is an amazing mom to our girls. She never once complained about getting up and feeding them, or getting up to hold them. She just did it and let me sleep. So jenny if I never told u this, I want to now............ 

THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you for just showing up for our girls. 

Thank you for showing our girls what it means to love. 

Thank you for letting me sleep. 

Thank you for caring enough to do what u did

So in the spirit of taking a year in the minority position I want to build my wife up and show her how much she has meant and means to our family and to our girls. 

So babe,  with a grateful heart, I love u!!!

I know I don't tell u that often enough. 

Being in the minority

So as of yesterday I have taken myself off of Facebook, or at least seeing other peoples pages and them seeing mine. (I de-friended everyone) I did this for a couple of reasons, but the main reason is I want to be in the minority. I want to not get caught up in the social media world that is my generation. I hate what my generation has become and what it will be remembered for. I want to be different, and not fall into the trap that Facebook/twitter/ other social media outlets put you in. I hate that I look at people differently just because of what they posted on Facebook. I don't think Jesus would have cared if someone "liked" a post or commented negatively about someone's picture. I think/ know Jesus would have loved unconditionally regardless of your political views or your stance on social issues.

Now I understand that removing myself from the Facebook world is not going to make me a better believer in Christ, but I also believe that being on Facebook is not helping me as a believer in Christ. I am so tired of being a luke warm follower. I want to take the minority position more, because that is what Jesus did. I know it is not always going to be easy, or the most popular way, but I think i am ok with that. 

My hope is that removal of Facebook from my life will be just the start. I want to see what a year in the minority looks like. my hope is 2017 will be a year to rebuild a broken relationship. My hope is that 2017 will be a year full of minority positions. I want to challenge myself to make changes like removal of Facebook. I want to blog more this year, cause my thoughts are another struggle that I have.  

We will see what 2017 has in store for me. All I know is minority positions are the theme for me this year, and I am excited. 

What would Jesus do?

So the question that I keep asking myself is what would Jesus do? I heard on the radio this morning that our "wonderful" president has once again made our country weak. The weakness that I am referencing is not a physical one, no he has weaken the belief system that this (once) great country was founded on. He has used the federal government to once again impact my day to day life in a negative way. Once again the evil one is celebrating by what he is watching happen in America. I am so worried for our country, and for what it will look like for my girls. I want to love my country and want to be proud to be an American, but this SOB that is leading us makes it very difficult. Let me be clear, there is no other place in the world I would choose to raise my family, but I am holding onto the hope that we can change it, and make America great again.

The issue that I am talking about is this issue of transgender bathrooms. I heard this morning that now all public schools in America have to allow boys or girls to use which ever bathroom/locker room that they "identify"with. I was and am so heart broken for this country after hearing this.

I was truly taken back with gay marriage issue a few months ago and was heart broken from that. I guess you could say time healed that wound, but then there was target issues and now this public schools restroom issue. I am trying to wrap my brain around all these changes and I just can't. I understand that living in America gives us the right to love and pray to who ever we want, but when did that ever become the business of the federal government. We live in the most powerfully nation in the world, and it is that way because of the people, not the government.

I am so tired of this liberal society that we live in.  I know being a 27 year old male, I am in the minority when it comes to how I think and what I believe, and I am 100% ok with that. Being in the minority is not always easy( i.e. What this blog is about), but when it comes to issues and a flawed system like we have, the minority is where I want to be. I want to stand up and fight for what is biblical, I want to stand on a mountain with a mag phone and tell this government that they are
destroying this country's ethics and its morals. That our federal government has forgotten that this country was founded on the principle of one nation, under One God. When the government takes out that very important detail of One God, things like this happen. I am not sure what the answer is or how to fight back, so again I ask the question, What would Jesus do?  I know this question has been over used and in some ways has lost it true meaning, but I feel as though it is one that needs to be asked with these issues that our country is facing.

I am so afraid of what another 4 or 8 years with a liberal run country will look like. How much further away from the bible can our country get? It breaks my heart to know that my girls will not get the opportunity to resite the pledge of allegiance with the words "under God" in it. That they will not get to see our dollar bills say "in God we trust". That having gay marriage and transgender bathrooms will be the norm. I am sad for my girls because anymore it seem as if all the "men" in this world are a bunch of softies. What happened to America?!?!?!

So again, What would Jesus do? Jesus was a MAN!!!!! He was and is a BAD ASS!!!! Jesus was in the minority and stood up for His Father and for what was biblical! Jesus lived His life for you and me. I am so grateful that Jesus was Man enough to stay up on that cross. I am so grateful that Jesus was Man enough to take all the insults He took and continue to take. It's a damn good thing that the same thing that was asked of Jesus is not asked of a man today. We are a country of little boys that are so afraid to say something that might offend someone and hurt their feelings!!!!

In 1944,18 year old Men stormed the beaches of Normandy into almost certain death. I want that America back!!!!. I want to live in a country where men relay on themselves  and not the government to provide. I want to live in a country where our children's heroes are not athletes, but are the Men that are fighting for our freedom. I want to live in a country that only fears God, and not each other. I want to live in country where protecting the weak and innocent is the norm. Where the constitution actually means something to our government and its people. Where the police are seen as the authority and not as a threat. Where people actually respect each other. I want to live in a country where the American flag still has patriotism written on it, and people don't stand on it. Where You can say Merry Christmas. I want to live in a country where it actually means somethings to be an American.

I believe that anything is possible with Christ and that our country can be healed. So until until my Savior comes again or I go home, I say,

God, guns, and guts,  let's bring them back to America!!!!!!!

I’m free to love once and for all

So just over a month ago I made the decision to get my faith back in My Lord. I had gone astray for way too long. I had let myself get to a point where I hated people and where I let my work control my life. I had people at work tell me that I was different. I choose to stop living that way. So I started meeting with Timmy and Petey as I told you in my last post. It has been great. We meet every Tuesday and Thursday night. It has been a great oppertunity to just talk about where I am at with My Walk. I have gotten so much out of it. Timmy got me listening to this song that I have listened to over and over and over again. Its by Josh Garrels. Its called Farther Along. It is a great worship song. I have spent many truck rides just litening to this song and worshipping my GOD. One of my favorite lines in the songs is, I'm free to Love once and for all. This is something that I am so grateful for. Because Jesus Loved me first and died for me I get to love my wife. This is the greatest gift I have ever recieved. My wife, and best friend has stood by me during my hard time and has loved me the way a wife is suppose to, even when I have not loved her the way a Husband is suppose to love his wife. I am so thankful that she is still beside me, and because Jesus Loved her first I get to love her.
My heart is slowly turning back to where it needs to be. I am still struggling with people, and there problems. I know this is going to take sometime to change my mind set. I am not sure if I will ever look at people the same, but I want to believe that the GOD of the Universe can change me. Along with the song, Timmy sent me a verse that I really like and I want to try and memorize it.

Deuteronomy 30:16
For I command you today to love the LORD your God, to walk in his ways, and to keep his commands, decrees and laws; then you will live and increase, and the LORD your God will bless you in the land you are entering to possess.

The ....................................

So the name of my blog is a New Creation.......... In progress. So I thought it would be very fitting to name this post the .............. So for the past few months, I have been really struggling with my thoughts and my words. I am in a place where I really think I am definded by my work. My work controls my thoughts, my actions, my words, and more then anything how I view people. My job is very hard spiritually on me. Now I know that following the Lord is never easy and I am not making excuses for myself or feeling sorry for myself, I jsut feel that the feild that I am in, really test my faith. I have a job where I am call to help people in need, weather its a medical emergency, a traumatic emergency, a car accident, or a fire (which NEVER HAPPENS). Being in the position I am in, I find it very hard to care and treat people that do not even want to take care of themselves. We make runs on over weight people, people that over dose on every drug out there, elderly people that their family no longer want to care for. It is very hard to see this every day and not have negative thoughts. I have grown to really hate people. Its really sad that even on my days off, I do not see people anymore, all I see are patients. I have grown to really hate the way people are and how they treat themselves. It was not untill a couple weeks ago that I finally realized that I am just not happy anymore. I really just have a terrible outlook on life and a terrible outlook on people. A couple weeks ago my brother and I were driving to a softball game, and we were talking about things and for the first time he said something that really made me think about what I have become. We were talking about the patients I see everyday, and I was saying that I don't feel like they deserve my help, and dont deserve to be taken care of since tomorrow they are going to over dose again, and are going to continue to eat their life away. Timmy looked at me and said, "Kyle, that is the GOSPEL". Timmy was exactly right. Jesus could have said the same things that I was saying about my patients. We as the human race, did not deserve what Jesus did for us. We are not worthy of what He has done for us. From that conversation the Holy Spirit really started to weigh on my heart. I started talking to Petey and Timmy and we started meeting twice a week to just have fellowship, accountability, reading, and prayer with each other. This is something that I have been needing in my life. I want my life to be defined by God, not work. Something that Petey said to me when we have been meeting is that my Job is not a Job, but it should be treated as a extension of my ministry. I do not see my job as that. All I see it as is a pay check. I am very excited to see what God want for my life and what he is going to do in my  life. I finally feel like I am atleast facing the right direction now. I am not walking in the right direction yet, that is going to take some time, but I am at least facing the Lord again. It has been a long time since I have been facing this way. It really makes me upset and angry to see where I am now and just how I have let myself get to this point. Only by the grace of God is my marrage not in shambles. I am married to one of the most patient women in the world. She has been by my side the whole time. There are days where I treat her with disrespect and say hurtful things to her, and she still stays by my side. She is really what has been keeping me going. She has really shown me Gods love for the past few months. I would be in a much worse place if it were not for her.
Along with meeting with Timmy and Petey I am going to hopfully start bloging again. So this should be the start of many more to come.

2 Corinthians 5:17
Therefore if ANYONE is in Christ, he is a new creation, the old is gone and the NEW has come.

Finances

So latley Jenny and My Finances have been really on my mine. I hate that money is controling my thoughts, but it does. I wish money did not mean as much as it does. Maybe it does not mean anything, but for some reason I put it on this "Pedal Stool". I want my controling thoughts to be the Lord (like it use to be). I remember when almost everyone of my thoughts was the Lord. That was when I was the closes to Him. I still feel like I am close to Him and I still feel like I lean on Him, but its not like I would like it to be. Its hard cause I want to be the best I can be in everything I do, so when my relationship with the Lord is not the best that it could be I get angry at myself.
Jenny and I just started to tithe. Its hard for me to give more money away. I am looking forward to it though, cause we are going to be challanged to give our finances to Him. The thought of weekly tithe makes me think of another payment that I owe. So in my mind its like, car payments, house payment, duke bill, phone bill, water bill, and tithes. It bad to group my tithes with those other early things but I do. I just pry that the Lord will work on my heart and change the way I think. I dont know this is something that has really been on my heart.

50 days till school is over!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!