A "great Chrisitan" ?

"I wake up ever day trying to live life to the fullest"! My hope is by saying this it will make me out to look like this "great Christian." It sucks because of some of my actions from day to day that make that "great Christian" thing a joke. So in a way i feel like sometimes I am living this double life that consistently eat away at me. I try so hard to keep people out of my deepest problems and struggles so that way they only see the "great Christian" in me.
I wish I could let every person that i come into contact with know that I am not a "great Christian." I feel as though people could relate to me better if they knew that i struggle with some very deep stuff, but sharing those deep struggles is what gets me. As a male in today's society we are told to not share our weaknesses and or our emotions. So my struggles just build up inside of me, and they hurt my faith in Jesus Christ. I find myself returning to the same sins all the time.
I want to know what it feels like to not lust after a girl when she walks by, i want to know what it feels like to not think of myself first and consider other people, i want to know what it feels like to be free of anger, and hatred, i want to know what it feels like to be complete with God.