Communication

1-27-10
So why is it so hard for two people to communicate with one another? It seems like I am asking myself this question a lot lately. Why can’t I tell her what I want when I want and how I want? I love her and care deeply about her but still, she makes it hard. And apparently its not just hard for me its hard for her too. We had a fight tonight over paint. LOL yes paint. We are getting ready to paint our house and we are trying to figure out what colors we want. Well I brought it up tonight while watching tv. I felt bad cause I can watch tv when she leaves so I suggested we do something, so I went and got the paint schemes that we got from home depot. Well it seemed as if she could care less what I was doing and made that very clear since she never got up and looked at anything with me.

I guess the biggest issue we run into is that we think we know each other so well, which we do, but whenever something is said a certain way or not said at all we get hurt by it, cause we thought it would go different. Like with the paint. I thought she would want to take more of a role in it. I guess not. Well that lead to me being a total ASS, but when emotions are running wild we do things that hurt others. Because of the way I acted after that it caused her to leave, which really sucks cause I did not get to see her the last two nights but I was so angry with her at the time I did not care.

Had an ok day today up until that whole episode. Had to work which was super busy and then I got to do a hang out night with my YL team. I was really looking forward to it and was very happy to have it at my house. The goal for the night was to not talk about any business and just be with one another cause there are some people on the team that think some of us don’t care about each other. Mike made dinner which was very good by the way. After that we played a game. The game was really cool and got all of us talking and laughing. I guess I build things up in my head to be something, and then when they fall short of that I get my feelings hurt. It’s just I thought we would play this game and then just hang out and just be with each other. Well the second the game was over it seemed as if Beth and Alison had to be somewhere else. It’s just made me feel like being with there team was not a priority. It kind of funny how the same people that complain are the same people that cause some of the problems. It just hurt my feelings to see them do. I felt like a gas station where people just come in and use the restroom and then just leave. Its like if there was no restroom here then you would not even stop by. Like I said maybe its how I built it up in my head but regardless I was hurt.

Did not read again today.

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