The ....................................

So the name of my blog is a New Creation.......... In progress. So I thought it would be very fitting to name this post the .............. So for the past few months, I have been really struggling with my thoughts and my words. I am in a place where I really think I am definded by my work. My work controls my thoughts, my actions, my words, and more then anything how I view people. My job is very hard spiritually on me. Now I know that following the Lord is never easy and I am not making excuses for myself or feeling sorry for myself, I jsut feel that the feild that I am in, really test my faith. I have a job where I am call to help people in need, weather its a medical emergency, a traumatic emergency, a car accident, or a fire (which NEVER HAPPENS). Being in the position I am in, I find it very hard to care and treat people that do not even want to take care of themselves. We make runs on over weight people, people that over dose on every drug out there, elderly people that their family no longer want to care for. It is very hard to see this every day and not have negative thoughts. I have grown to really hate people. Its really sad that even on my days off, I do not see people anymore, all I see are patients. I have grown to really hate the way people are and how they treat themselves. It was not untill a couple weeks ago that I finally realized that I am just not happy anymore. I really just have a terrible outlook on life and a terrible outlook on people. A couple weeks ago my brother and I were driving to a softball game, and we were talking about things and for the first time he said something that really made me think about what I have become. We were talking about the patients I see everyday, and I was saying that I don't feel like they deserve my help, and dont deserve to be taken care of since tomorrow they are going to over dose again, and are going to continue to eat their life away. Timmy looked at me and said, "Kyle, that is the GOSPEL". Timmy was exactly right. Jesus could have said the same things that I was saying about my patients. We as the human race, did not deserve what Jesus did for us. We are not worthy of what He has done for us. From that conversation the Holy Spirit really started to weigh on my heart. I started talking to Petey and Timmy and we started meeting twice a week to just have fellowship, accountability, reading, and prayer with each other. This is something that I have been needing in my life. I want my life to be defined by God, not work. Something that Petey said to me when we have been meeting is that my Job is not a Job, but it should be treated as a extension of my ministry. I do not see my job as that. All I see it as is a pay check. I am very excited to see what God want for my life and what he is going to do in my  life. I finally feel like I am atleast facing the right direction now. I am not walking in the right direction yet, that is going to take some time, but I am at least facing the Lord again. It has been a long time since I have been facing this way. It really makes me upset and angry to see where I am now and just how I have let myself get to this point. Only by the grace of God is my marrage not in shambles. I am married to one of the most patient women in the world. She has been by my side the whole time. There are days where I treat her with disrespect and say hurtful things to her, and she still stays by my side. She is really what has been keeping me going. She has really shown me Gods love for the past few months. I would be in a much worse place if it were not for her.
Along with meeting with Timmy and Petey I am going to hopfully start bloging again. So this should be the start of many more to come.

2 Corinthians 5:17
Therefore if ANYONE is in Christ, he is a new creation, the old is gone and the NEW has come.